Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
