Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize