were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
