We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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