Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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