but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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