Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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