Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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