Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize