I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
