I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
