i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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