He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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