oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
