i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize