i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize