I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
