I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
