I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
