really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize