Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
