Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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