put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
