i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
