Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
