I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
