At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
