yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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