Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
