I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
