The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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