Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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