My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
