I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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