my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
