I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
