I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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