Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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