NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
