did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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