dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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