tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Quick, to the slutcave!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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