soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
