when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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