Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
