I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
