I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That accounts for only three of the penises
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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