I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
