All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
