Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
