he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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