There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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