sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
