lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
