she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
