Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
