Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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