literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
