So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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