Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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