Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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