She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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