so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
