why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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