What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
