it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize