meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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