i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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