I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
