i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
