I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
