So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
