home. puking in laundry basket.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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