Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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