Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
