ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
