At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
