everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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