Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
